Funny quotes about computers and programmers. Enjoy!

“How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?”
None: “We’ll fix it in software.”

“How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?”
None: “We’ll document it in the manual.”

“How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?”
None: “Let’s define darkness as the industry standard.”

“How many tech writers does it take to change a light bulb?”
None: “The user can work it out.”

Anonymous

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Line Printer paper is strongest at the perforations.

Murphy’s Law of Line Printers

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The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we’ve finished building it.

Anonymous

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Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.

The Complete Microsoft Internal Jokes, Vol.III

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When the program refuses to work as intended, change the specification to fit the program. It’s easier than vice versa.

Briefing for new programmers joining Microsoft, 1995

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Information Center, n.: A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.

The Devil’s Dictionary to Computer Studies

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If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.

Norm Schryer

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Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one instruction – from which, by induction, one can deduce that every program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn’t work.

Anonymous

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God made machine language; all the rest is the work of man.

Anonymous

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Real Programmers don’t write in PL/I. PL/I is for programmers who can’t decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.

Programmers’ World

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The C Programming Language: A new language which combines the flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language.

Murphy’s Introduction to C

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A language that doesn’t affect the way you think about programming is not worth knowing.

Alex Lu, commenting on Java Programming

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At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.

Anonymous

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I expect that any day now someone will invent a round thing which rolls along the ground and minimizes friction, only it will need a 233-megahertz Pentium processor to do it.

Garry Harant, Blackburn, Victoria, Australia

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The world is coming to an end. Please log off.

Posix 2.1.1 System Shutdown Message

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