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Funny Computer Quotes

Mike Ramm — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 17:40:48 +0000

Funny quotes about computers and programmers. Enjoy!

“How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?”
None: “We’ll fix it in software.”

“How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?”
None: “We’ll document it in the manual.”

“How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?”
None: “Let’s define darkness as the industry standard.”

“How many tech writers does it take to change a light bulb?”
None: “The user can work it out.”

Anonymous

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Line Printer paper is strongest at the perforations.

Murphy’s Law of Line Printers

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The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we’ve finished building it.

Anonymous

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Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.

The Complete Microsoft Internal Jokes, Vol.III

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When the program refuses to work as intended, change the specification to fit the program. It’s easier than vice versa.

Briefing for new programmers joining Microsoft, 1995

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Information Center, n.: A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.

The Devil’s Dictionary to Computer Studies

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If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.

Norm Schryer

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Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one instruction – from which, by induction, one can deduce that every program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn’t work.

Anonymous

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God made machine language; all the rest is the work of man.

Anonymous

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Real Programmers don’t write in PL/I. PL/I is for programmers who can’t decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.

Programmers’ World

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The C Programming Language: A new language which combines the flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language.

Murphy’s Introduction to C

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A language that doesn’t affect the way you think about programming is not worth knowing.

Alex Lu, commenting on Java Programming

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At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.

Anonymous

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I expect that any day now someone will invent a round thing which rolls along the ground and minimizes friction, only it will need a 233-megahertz Pentium processor to do it.

Garry Harant, Blackburn, Victoria, Australia

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The world is coming to an end. Please log off.

Posix 2.1.1 System Shutdown Message

You can find more here . Have fun!

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The Two Types of Programmers

What Kind Of Programmer Are You?

Mike Ramm — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 18:01:14 +0000

Long time ago, at the dawn of the computer era there were funny legends about The Real Programmer who writes only in FORTRAN, drinks a lot of coffee and beer and NEVER, I mean NEVER writes comments. Today the things are different and the programming is not that mystery magic it used to be and all bosses respected. Today even the children know how to click on the keys and how to write program code even before they know how to write pothooks in their notebooks.

The same logical process happened to the evaluation of the Real programmer’s qualities. It is based on a scientific ground and there is nothing subjective or accidental anymore. A psychological test have been developed that determines your programmer’s personality. The authors claim that it is based on Myers-Briggs tests and that it is absolutely serious although I found some of the questions very funny.

Here are my results. They are no surprise to me but it proves that I know myself very well. Now anyone can see my programmer’s personality.

Your programmer personality type is: PHTB

You’re a Planner.
You may be slow, but you’ll usually find the best solution. If something’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right.

You like coding at a High level.
The world is made up of objects and components, you should create your programs in the same way.

You work best in a Team.
A good group is better than the sum of it’s parts. The only thing better than a genius programmer is a cohesive group of genius programmers.

You are a liBeral programmer.
Programming is a complex task and you should use white space and comments as freely as possible to help simplify the task. We’re not writing on paper anymore so we can take up as much room as we need.

Do you want to find out if you are a Real Programmer or just a team player like me – do the test! It is quick and easy and doesn’t hurt.

Thanks to Doncho for the great link!

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Walking on Water

Mike Ramm — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 13:59:34 +0000

I found this great sentence, which belongs to Edward V. Berard and I am eager to share it with you:

Walking on water and developing software from a specification are easy if both are frozen.

Thanks to Irina Marudina for this piece of wisdom.

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Programmer’s Day

Mike Ramm — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 09:27:00 +0000

I was reminded today about the “unofficial” Programmer’s Day. I don’t think there will be an “official” day ever. And in fact, I don’t think anyone cares. What is more important is just to have more reasons to celebrate! And we love to celebrate!

The logic about this day is that September 13th is the 256th day of the year and 256 is very important number for the programmer’s brotherhood. It’s a great idea but I’ve also heard about the 128th day of the year and why not celebrate the 42th day? It’s hardly possible to find a programmer who doesn’t believe in the magical nature of the number 42

Long time ago, when I was a first-year student in the University, me and my company defined another date to be the programmer’s day and it was defined with and algorithm! We announced the programmer’s day to be the first Saturday of April when it’s not the first of April (simply because it’s another holiday ). If the first Saturday happens to be on the first of April then the programmer’s day would be on the eighth of April. Why did we choose that time? Well, because then the weather becomes warmer, the spring is coming noticeably and you can go on a picnic in a fresh air. We may be programmers but we are not moles and we value the sun and the air like everyone else.

So, today is a holiday and it should be honored.
I congratulate all the colleagues working in the field of Information Technologies and everyone who feels like a programmer on The Programmer’s Day.

Happy Programmer’s Day! Cheers!